How?

Ok, warning this is not my usual up-beat about the boys post!  It’s going to be a long, very emotional post.  It has taken me over a week to write and it has a lot of emotion in it.  I need to post this for myself to remember and come back and read whenever, I need to post this for me to let out the sadness I feel, I need to post this for me to talk to me!  Blogging is my therapy..Hence the 30 posts a day.

Exactly 27 days ago my dad’s home phone rang (Thursday September 3rd)!  I immediately knew it was about my Granny!  I got chill bumps all over and I knew that my dad’s phone never rings and it was around 11:00 that night.  It was my Nana and Granny was in a lot of pain and thought that she had broken a rib but couldn’t move.  I immediately said we will be right there an hung up the phone.  My granny was a very independent 97 year old woman!  Her biggest fear was being put in a nursing home or not being able to live on her own!  She was a healthy individual and the first time she was EVER in the hospital was when she accidently fell getting the mail when she was 92.  92 years, 3 children and NEVER in the hospital…That within itself is amazing.  She argued with my Nana for over 30 minutes not to bother us, we were probably already in bed.  She always thought of others before her.  So my dad and I arrive at my Granny’s prepared to take her to the ER.  We try to get her standing up and she is in soo much pain that we decide to call the ambulance.  They arrive, and help us go to a small local hospital.  They complete x-rays and tell us that there is no complete break and send us back home!  How in the world we made it back in the car and got her home that night is still a mystery to my.  Well not a mystery, I know 2 things had to be for certain!  Number 1, she was in a LOT more pain than she was telling us and number 2, God was working in very mysterious ways helping her thru the pain and making it a quick trip.  This was a Thursday night/early Friday morning.  By Saturday morning, my dad knew something was really wrong, he finally convinced her to go back to the ER as she was not able to go the bathroom and we feared the worse, kidney failure!  Once in the hospital this time, they ran TONS of tests and found that she might have a perforated bowel.  They rushed her to Lubbock for emergency surgery.  No one gave her a chance to make it thru the surgery, she was 97 after all!  Well once in surgery they discovered a ulcer on her stomach that had torn it and allowed all her gastric acid to spill over her intestines.  They were able to get everything cleaned up, minus the burned outsides of her intestines and sewn back up and she made it thru.  They had a couple times where her blood pressure dropped, but nothing too bad.  We were then sent to Surgical ICU, bed 23.  Granny had a breathing tube in and tubes going every which way!  Most of our family lives in California and they were heading down because most of us knew that this would be the time.  I remember getting to see Granny after surgery that night.  She was just Granny…I look back and know that this is how I will always remember my Granny.  Not swollen, very peaceful, just Granny!  Over the next 2 days her kidneys shut down.  She began to swell to a point that she didn’t even look the same.  When my great aunt and uncle arrived them along with my Nana would decide whether to pull her breathing tube or not.  We believed that once this came out it would be the end.  We knew she wanted it out, she would get very agitated when we talked about it.  We knew what she wanted, we just weren’t prepared for the aftermath.  That night, my strong willed Granny decided to take matters into her own hands.  We all had to leave the SICU since they have special visiting hours, a cousin got special permission to come back to stay, but first we all had to get everyone to the hotel.  We ALL left and Cindy was to be back within 30 minutes and Granny knew.  She got all her vitals stable, and started using her tongue and got the thing out before we even got to the hotel.  She knew the consequences, she was very alert and could answer any yes/no question you asked her.  She could hear the doctors talking.  She knew and from that moment on, everyone in the family knew that she was ready.  We would come during our visiting hours and just talk and enjoy our time with our Granny.  We had her smiling, she loved giving us kisses, it was as if she was going to be ok, but we knew that she was ready to go.  One Tuesday night, we all told her good night and my aunt said see you in the morning.  Granny opened her eyes, looked at her and shook her head no.  She knew that she would not be back in the morning.  She knew that God was calling her, she knew that we all loved her and understood.  She was at peace.  Around 4:00 Tuesday night, early Wednesday morning she passed away.  Granny always made a presence and she left this world to be in a wonderful place on 9/9/09.  She amazed every single nurse and doctor in that SICU.  She amazed every single family member that was around..She was amazing within herself.

 

Now, here is where I get to my problems..which is somewhat selfish when I start typing it.  But hopefully this will help me to know what to do next.  I grew up in the same town as Granny.  Granny was at everything I ever in my life did!  I mean EVERYTHING.  She did not miss a single basketball game, she did not miss a single awards ceremony.  She didn’t missed anything that I did.  She was so excited when I found out I was pregnant.  She got a little sick a few months before  I was due and just kept telling me I hope I make it to see those beautiful boys.  She did, and she made herself to the hospital the day I had them and held them and loved them as any Granny would although she didn’t feel 100%.  She got upset when she found out we were going to Florida..She didn’t want us to go.  She was sure to let us know that she wasn’t going to get to see us as much.  And of course we didn’t get to be around her as much as I so desperately wished right now.  She always wanted me to come up to her house with the boys.  Once I moved back to Texas in  July my life went crazy and I we didn’t get to see her as much as I wished we could.  Friday, the day after we went to the ER all night for the first time I took the boys up there to see her.  She lit up, she had a huge smile on her face even though she was in sooo much pain.  That will be the last time my precious boys can ever play at Granny’s with her there.  How do I explain to my kids how wonderful of a person she was..How can I become at least half of the mom, granny, woman she was?  I know Granny is in an amazing place, I know that.  But I don’t know how to drive past her house (which I have to do several times a day) and not look and see if her front door is open.  I did that for MANY years, how do I stop looking to see if she is sitting in her chair.  How do I stop looking at the windows at night hoping, wishing for a light to be on??  How do I go up there and look through her stuff to see that she kept a picture I colored when a I was 5?  How do I make her special chocolate pies at Thanksgiving and Christmas that she taught me and only me?  I don’t know how to answer these questions or learn not to look in the door especially when it hurts sooo bad every time I pass by.  I pray every day that I can find peace to drive by or go up there..I desperately need peace.  I have peace of mind knowing that she is in an amazing place…I just can not find peace for myself.

The day I had the boys…

The day I left for Florida..Our 5 generations…

(I love this picture..Look at those smiles!!)

 

Back from Florida visiting…

 

The last picture I took with Granny! 

The Light Finally Went off…

Well today, after officially trying for 32 days the boys both had 0 accidents!  These past 32 days have worked my patience to levels I never knew existed!  I love my boys to death and I knew knew knew they could potty train but they decided to be stubborn just like with everything else!  =]  They have been fully trained at day-care for weeks, but refused to potty after they got home!  They thought it was just something they were suppose to do at day-care.  BUT after many accidents, a few underwear in the trash because mommy wouldn’t clean poop we finally have figured it out!  Brennen has had 2 days now without an accident and today was Braeden’s 1st.  Braeden had a little bit of an excuse yesterday though..The end of the virus started and he had some nasty poop! 

Anyways.  I’m so proud of the boys and even more important they are sooo proud of themselves!  I asked them today if they were big boys and they got the biggest grin on their face and said “Yup”!  I heard about poop and T-T for 30 minutes on our drive home from Nanny’s.  They talked about how they had to use the potty and how their T-T makes bubbles and how it goes bye-bye when you flush it!  I was dying laughing the entire time thinking..Man only with 2 year olds you would have this conversation for 30 minutes.

Although it has been a long 32 days that smile today made every second, every washer full of wet undies, and even every pooped undies sooo worth it!  They are officially big boys!  No more pampers!  =] 

Really?

When I lived in Florida this blog was updated probably every day of the new events in our lives! I have been the WORST blogger ever since we got to Texas! It's not that I haven't taken pictures, I have but they are still on my camera. I need at least 36 hours in a day to keep up right now and then the boys getting sick last week really got me behind! We got admitted to the hospital Saturday morning, to later be released. Brennen got an IV in, but no fluids and they could never get one in Braeden (only 3 tries before I came UN-GLUED). It was a mess, but both finally conquered that nasty stomach virus on their own and got rehydrated! They even ate 4 servings of supper tonight! AND they ate some broccoli..I was in shock it only took 5 million tries before it worked! I love love being back in Texas and around all my family, but some days I wish that we were back in Florida where the boys and I spent hours a day just being together. I miss these days, they were relaxed and it was just us. I watched the boys grow and learn and didn't miss a thing! Now I see them 3-4 hours a day and I have to cherish every second of that! I love their day care and they love it too! After being out all last week they were both begging me on Monday to go to school and see their babies. They think their job is to take care of those babies every day for their mommies! They are too cute and soo different at the same time! We are right in the middle of potty training! They do great for everyone at day care but have their own rules when mommy is around. Braeden got this great fear of cats and dogs this summer! He thought they were going to eat him! We finally taught him to growl at them to make them run, so he runs around all day growling! It is too funny! He listens and is always playing with his friends when I pick him up from school. Brennen has his own little world he lives in! He is the sweetest thing and such a momma's boy but he sure can be a mess! The other day I forgot to take their bag full of extra underwear so I ran home and went back! All the kids, every single one of them was sitting on the wall like their teacher told them, well except for Brennen of course! He was sitting in the teachers lap telling all the other kids what to do! He is the dominant personality around here! (Or so he thinks) Both the boys love their Uncle Chance and football! Every time we see football it is Chance! He even plays for Texas Tech and the Dallas Cowboys! HAHA They are getting so big and independent it makes me sad, but at the same time I love seeing them grow into their own! I miss my babies but love that we can actually do things just the 3 of us! So many problems I had in Florida came down to managing 2 babies while being away from home. Now we can walk into a store holding hands or I can tell them to hold hands in the parking lot and they listen. On a better note, Beau will be in San Antonio in 2 weeks! WOOOHOO! This means weekends with daddy for all of us! We will be on the road a lot but it is well worth to spend that amazing time with him! We miss him soo much and can't wait until March when we are all together again, just the 4 of us!

Head Family Reunion 2009

We have had a BUSY summer!  I started back to school and tried to get as many classes possible this summer.  I’m trying to finish my business degree by May, so it is packed full.  We did have a weekend in July that we got to see Beau and met for thefamily reunion at Lake Whitney.  It is sooo much fun!  Here are some pictures!

 

View Full Album

A New Toy

So, instead of writing my research paper like I should be, I found a new toy!  I downloaded Windows Live Writer and NOW I can make photo albums on the BLOG!  YIPPEE  I hated the way they uploaded one at a time, so this is sooo much cooler!  Here is a test of pictures from the day the boys were born!  29 Months all in one album!  Oh were does time go? 

 

Now, if I can just figure out how to add captions so you will know who is who.

View Full Album

 

Happy 4th of July!!

 

PS—I have figured out how to add captions and slowly adding them!  YAY!  Let me know how you like the new format! 

Buckle Your Seatbelts...It's going to be a LONG post!

Ok, I don't even know where to start! Beau has gone to Survival training and then is off to EWO training in San Antonio for the next 9 month. The boys and I are not allowed to go with him, so we were faced with the decision of staying in Florida by ourselves or moving to Sudan to spend Chance's senior year with him. WELL DUH!! It's not that hard to figure out what we decided. We moved back to Sudan this week. I started school this week, 12 hours to be exact, in 10 weeks! AND the boys will be starting day-care for the 1st time next month! Talk about a life change! YUP, we are going through it! The boys are just growing soo much. They have done sooo good on our 4 trips to and from Pensacola. Around 5000 miles to be exact. They have gotten sooo much better at talking. They are currently putting words together and have exploded from about 30 words to 100's. I really have to watch what I say these days. It is amazing to see them grow up soo much in such a short period of time. It's hard for Beau not to be with us everyday watching it and we know it is hard, but that is the lifestyle we chose when he joined the Air Force. The boys are ready to potty train, I just haven't had the time or energy packing our house to go to storage and moving back to Sudan. My dad and Chance have been lifesavers! They have helped me get everything packed and keeping the boys happy! Here are a few random pictures.

See we do love each other!


We found some old pacci's while Mommy was cleaning out the cabinet.


We thought it was hilarious to put 2 in our mouth then spit them on the floor! They haven't had pacci's since they were 5 months old!


Playing in the sprinkler since our Swimming Pool was already packed...Speaking of which it needs to stop raining in Texas so we can get it filled up! =]


Playing golf in the sprinkler! Braeden is going to be our golfer!


Sooo Sorry for the lack of posts, but I haven't had much time to take pictures! =] I have a few from our last trip to Texas and to the Abilene Zoo that The boys LOVED feeding the giraffe and spending time with Cousin Addi! Her and Brennen are a handful! They have the EXACT same personalities and either love playing together or are fighting over who is in charge! HAHA

At the Zoo on our Jungle Adventure!





The Giraffe


Feeding the Giraffe







Addi with her new sunglasses


Pushing Addi in the stroller



Brennen


I think she was saying, Mommy I really don't like these boys stealing my baby dolls and stroller


Braeden


Braeden & Mommy


The best we could get of all 3!

Braeden giving Mommy kisses



The family with Brennen mad because we took his stroller away!




Group bath time!



Addi washing Brennen's hair



Addi washing Braeden


Addi wore us out!

A Long Time...

Well it has been a few weeks since I posted. We got to Texas and haven't stopped running yet...AND it's been 2 weeks. Both the boys came down w/ a 24-hour stomach bug, and now Brennen has a fever and I can NOT figure out what is going on. This has been going on for 2 days now. If he isn't better by tomorrow, I'm afraid we will be seeing our Texas ER once again. Since we are military, our insurance will only pay if we go to an ER, not a clinic. Kinda crazy since it isn't an emergency and a clinic would be half the price. The ER doctors always look at me funny and I have to explain it is the only way for me to get meds around here! =] Brennen has been sleeping with me since he has been sick and I became a softy! Last night I stayed up a little later than normal and when I went into the room to go to bed, Brennen had climbed into bed w/ Braeden and they were snoozing away. It was too sweet, Brennen has the personality that has DEFINATELY benefited from having a twin brother. I don't know what he would do w/out his Braeden. I have been busy painting my dads house, it looks totally different. Pictures to come! The boys are almost 27 months old. It's AMAZING how fast time flies! We are loving being in Texas, but miss our Da-Da. The other morning I was checking the weather to see whether to put on shorts or sweaters...CRAZY west Texas weather. ANyways, Brennen was sitting in my lap and was pointing at the sports guy and kept calling him Da-Da. I had to come over to the blog and let Brennen look at all the pictures of Da-Da and then he called and tried to talk for a while. I think the boys talking has improved a BUNCH since we have been here. Their cousin Zyleigh is 5 months younger than the boys and is full of words. I think they hear her and just get to talking. Brennen is really copying everything I say so I better watch my mouth! =] Our 2 Favorite things right now are saying Wasss Dat? (That's how it sounds) & the amazing Leals. We have been there 4 times in 2 weeks. Geez I'm gonna gain 10 pounds! The boys LOVE LOVE LOVE their beans & quesadillas.